so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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