Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
