Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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