I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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