stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
