I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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