Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
