I'm so fucking centered right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
