he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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