I heard we made out
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
