Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
