I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize