So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
