This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
