Swine flu is the new snow day.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
