NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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