woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
