I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
