im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
