..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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