Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my sisters under your porch take her home
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
