It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
