u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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