We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dignity is for republicans.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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