just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
