last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
