Im at strip club and am horny
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
