I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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