"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
