I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Who died my cat blue again?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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