mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize