Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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