a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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