fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They have beer where we have blood.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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