The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
