O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
