I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
