I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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