her facebook's as public as her vagina
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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