I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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