we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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