I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
