If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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