she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
