she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
