You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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