I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
