SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
