Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
