If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
