I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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