toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
