I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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