I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
