Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
