I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
