I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
