cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
