She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize