remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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