Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
