# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
